Official Circular
As we have observed an impressive line-up of corruption scandals of late such as the Common Wealth Games over-spending, Adarsh Housing Society apartment distribution, 2G spectrum allocation etc., it is high time that we form a long proposed “Ministry of Corruption, Scams and Scandals” or in short MoCSS. The Dept. of Corruption, Scams and Scandals (DoCSS), will have a cabinet minister and a Minister of State (MoS) each for every state in the country. The decision for the inception of this ministry was decided after the existing cabinet committee identified, in a crucial meeting that happened last night, that there is a strong scope of nationalizing such activities.
To lay down the guidelines for the activities to be taken up and run by MoCSS, a high level committee of experts (who has solid experience of scandals of minimum Rs. 50 crores) was constituted. They have come up with a strict set of guidelines according to which the ministry would be run and they are as below.
1. The cabinet minister should have an experience of being involved in at least a Rs. 1000 crore scam in any sector. In addition, if there is any experience in criminal activities such as siphoning of govt. funds, money laundering etc. can also add value to the resume.
2. The ministers of state (MoS) are in a different context in this ministry. For each state, there would an MoS each to ensure that there is equal participation from all the states. The funds to be looted by…err allocated to each MoS shoud depend on the population of each state. Btw, the current-hair-shortened-lady-chief-minister (name withheld due to privacy) is banned to become an MoS in this ministry.
3. The bureaucracy in this ministry would be the erstwhile officers who were forcefully expelled from other ministries and the seniority in each position would depend on the scale of “activities” they ran in the past.
4. The main activity of the ministry is identified to siphon off funds from the exchequer to fund the current corrupt activities and to given the intermittent scams and scandals a makeover, by making it regular. Every MoS would take the responsibility of publicizing the activities of the department by organizing the "Corruption Melas" in their respective states.
5. For the efficient and informed and misappropriate allocation of funds, an application in a white paper, in handwritten format only, will be eligible. No use of computer is allowed in creating the application form. Any 'wrong-doing' in this regard, or if found ineligible, the application would be rejected. The grants would be allocated even before it is sanctioned by the ministry and when sanctioned, if there is any extra money granted, it would be taken back by the Cabinet Minster himself. The extra money should be transferred to his personal account; the details would be given to you by him personally.
6. The employees to be appointed in this ministry should have at least 5 police cases, specifically criminal, filed against them. All these cases would be repealed once you are appointed an employee in the ministry.
7. The ministry should meet the Finance Minister immediately so as to request for funds for the ministry in the next Union Budget. Since there are many activities to be run in the country, around 10-15% of the spending estimates would be required by the ministry. It is estimated that when years pass by, this ministry would spend more than the Defence Ministry to help our country become super power by 2019 autumn.
8. Media would be given all data about the activities that would be happening inside the department since the activities are all transparent. Every year, a section media would be asked to partner with the department for the marketing of the various department activities and another section would be allowed to report the same and the rest would be given a chance in the subsequent years. A rotation policy should be set in place immediately.
9. Equality of gender is a must from the word go. The world comprises 50% men and 50% women. So, it is imperative that a 50-50 allocation should be done in our ministry too. Every committee would be headed by a Male and a Female Member and they select the committee members based on their discretion (family member, friends, erstwhile jail mates etc), but the 50-50 equation should be maintained.If there is any opposition in this regard, the state level committees can be organized based on the respective sex ratios in the state. But national committees in this ministry should have a strict 50-50 equation. MoCSS will thus become the first ministry with "equality of gender" being planned and practised from the inception itself.
10. There should be a strong rotation policy in the ministry. Every committee head and every other employee in each division of the department will have an option of working in other projects even when assigned a role in a project. This is to ensure proper employee participation and to increase employee interaction.
These are the main guidelines which would be strictly set but loosely followed for the efficient functioning of the ministry.
End of Circular
Vision: “As a responsible part of the government, we will aim to create a strong and corrupt ecosystem for scams and scandals in this country”
Mission: “It is our right and duty to involve each and every citizen of this country to become more corrupt than they are and make them participate in every scam and scandal possible, irrespective of their caste, creed, gender etc and also to reduce the urban-rural disparity in this regard”
Motto: “Satyameva 'Na' Jayathe”
