“I support women’s rights. But, I’m not a feminist”

……has become common statement these days. I have seen the same being repeated in social media, discussions in blogs and many have even started countering the same. I guess there is a misunderstanding in the way in which the word “Feminism” has been perceived by many.

From the time when man and woman lived in caves and when the concept of family (single partner!) came into being, men had to go out to make a living (provider) and women had to stay back taking care of children (nurturer). And subsequently, many beliefs and ridiculous laws came into prominence, which relegated women to secondary citizens because they stayed at homes, while the men made decision, which should also be the one main reason that drove men into chauvinism. It went to an extent where women were considered witches during dark ages, when women raised voices against the establishments that suppressed her.

So, if we take any uprising against some conventional establishment, it will have an ideology associated with it. When the revolution was for equality of classes, it was “Socialism”. When national spirits started rising in many nations, it was “Nationalism”. Ok. May be they are not the best analogies. But, when half of the human population, the women, had to fight for their rights, it was naturally termed “Feminism”. Ok, that's one way of looking at it.

As usually happens with any such revolution against established norms, the beginnings are always radical steps. It happened in case of feminism too. The bra burning episodes talk of the same. But, the concept is really misunderstood in recent times. "Feminism doesn’t mean to become a man or what he does". Feminism doesn’t mean women’s freedom from men, but from the patriarchal establishment, which men also need. Feminism isn’t something only women have to care about. It has to involve men too.

The problem, if I call so, is with the imagery that was created about feminism. Divorces increased. Families began to break. But, why is this associated with feminism? It’s just because, women now have the financial and economic and social independence, which they never had in the past and the reason why they had to stay in the marriages. Even now, many women stay in marriages for the sake of children. So, does that mean men are the culprits? I don’t think so too. If women retaliate with extreme steps like attacking (physically, financially etc.) men back, will it solve the problem? The answer is again, No.

I saw a video where young women and men doing street plays in Tamil Nadu on domestic violence, in which a 30-something man was sharing his experiences. He said that he had seen his father beating his mother during his childhood and he never saw any wrong in that. Even his mother didn’t convey her sufferings to him. Maybe, the patriarchal setup was so deep that even she would have thought it was her husband’s right to hit her (2-3 years back a pan-India survey showed that 54% of married women found it right to be hit by their husbands!). But, after seeing the street plays, this man in his 30s say that now he realized that his wife is also an individual with same rights as him. From the day on which he has seen the street plays, and talking to the young men and women who conducted them, he has never hit his wife and he repents his past and he said how happy their family is, unlike in the past.  So, in a confined environment, there was no one to correct him. In the past, his wife suffered. The family suffered. From his point of view, they didn't have peace of mind. and he never realized that he was the sole reason. So, who is to be blamed here, the individuals or the system?

 
Getting the feminine aspects to the mainstream in running a family, a business, in a discussion, in policy making etc., which will involve more participation of the genders, their different sensibilities, talents etc. to create a better society, is the actual feminism. If a woman does what a man does, it’s not feminism. It’s the same as in the past with change in the protagonists. What difference will it make if it’s done by a man or a woman? And, I hope that’s the real meaning the young women and men have to understand; that sharing equal rights as individuals is what actually feminism strived to achieve and is badly required in several societies even now. So, know more about feminism. Read and discuss more about feminism. Form your own opinions and views without being influenced by anyone else.

 
So, if I support women’s rights, I am a feminist. And I have to be proud about it because I am participating to create a better social fabric.