Are you smarter than a five year old?

Welcome to the brand new episode of “Are you smarter than a five year old?”

The anchor is the I-am-not-at-all-smarter-than-a-five-year-old Mr. A, the contestant for today is I-will-definitely-prove-that-I-am-smarter-than-a-five-year-old Mr. B and we have the I-have-only-questions-that-can-be-answered-by-a-five-year-old Computerji.

Mr. A: Welcome to the brand new episode of “Are you smarter than a five year old?”.

The first question for the today’s episode.

Does Z come after A?

In this show, we don’t have any options. You can only give an answer.

Mr.B: (Thinks for sometime and says)

Actually when you write down the letters from the alphabet Z definitely comes after A. But……

Mr.A: But………? What?

Mr. B: If you write a word ZEBRA, A comes after Z.

Mr. A: Sir, Please think as a five year old.

Mr. B: I did only that. In alphabet, Z comes after A and in alphabet we learn Z for Zebra.

Mr. A: (To Computerji in low voice) Computerji, What can we do?

Computerji: Cancel the question and ask another one.

Mr. A: Ok. (Turning to audience) Sorry all. We are cancelling that question and we are replacing that with another one. Ok?

Audience: Ok

Mr. A: I can’t hear you.

Audience: Ohhhhhhhh KKKKKKKKKKK.

Mr. A: Enough……enough……

So the next question.

How many fingers (including hands and legs) do you have?

Mr. B: I’m thinking as a five year old OK?

Mr. A: Yeah, you should actually do that.

Mr. B: I have something in common with Hrithik Roshan. And you asked “how many fingers do you have?”.

Mr. A: Computerji, What to do?

Computerji: Cancel the question!

Mr. A: Sorry once again. As per the directions from Computerji, we are cancelling this question too. Everyone give a huge round of applause.

The audience remains silent.

Mr. A: Ok . Forget it. We move to the next question.

Mr. B and the audience patiently awaits.

Mr. A: Oh sorry sponsors. We’ll be back after a long…err…short commercial break.

(After the break)

Mr. A: Welcome back. So next question. This is very simple without any confusion.

How many tyres do a four wheeler has?

Mr. B: I have seen four in cars…

Mr. A: (Exclaims!)Yeah…you are right…..

Mr. B: …but I have seen six tyres for bus and lorry.

Mr. A: (annoyed and angry!) Computerjiiiiiiiiii, what next?

Computerji: Cancel the question!

Mr. A: Sorry all. This question is also cancelled. Since we have only a few minutes towards the end of this show, we are taking our last commercial break and we’ll be back with our shaandaar questions.

(After the break)

Mr. A: Welcome back. We shall go to our next question. It's a bit advanced for a five year old, but it's a good GK question.

What, which is the three letter word that starts with S, gives “energy” for all living things?

Mr. B: (Turning red) How do you expect a five year old to know that? How dare you?

Mr. A: What happened sir? Computerji, Please help. I didn’t get it. I’m not at all smarter than a five year old.

Computerji: Mr. B, I know what you have thought. Clear your mind and Please think as a five year old child. Anyway, we’ll cancel this question. One more thing. In my knowledge, what you have thought about; drains your energy and won’t give you energy. And don’t ask me how I know all these.

Mr. A: Since it is a misleading question according to our beloved (rascal!) contestant, we’ll cancel this one too.

So we are moving to the next question.

Mr. A: This question happens to be the last question of our episode today.

In the sequence 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9; what comes in between 4 and 6?

Mr. B: Oh! Cool! It’s 5.

Mr. A: Sure?

Mr. B: Yes. Of course!

Mr. B: Confident ?

Mr. A: Shall I freeze?

Mr. B: Ok. Do it fast!

Mr. A: Computerji, Mr. B gives the answer as 5.

Computerji: (Silence)

Mr. A: Computerjiiiiiii...

Computerji: Silence again.

Mr. A: Computerjiiiiiii….

Computerji:

Since I am running on Windows 95 and due to some unidentified technical anomalies, it's preferable to restart now (not later!). Do you want to continue (This operation cannot be undone!)?

P.S. The “Cancel” doesn’t work. The only way out is “Ok”.

Best wishes to SRK and his next show "Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez hain?" that starts from tomorrow!

Some questions on Indian Traffic.

These are some questions which always come into my mind whenever I drive through our roads. I feel that it’s an average road-user’s common doubts. I’ve collated them into 10 questions so that I can ask now and keep nothing for later. Whoever has got time and a good heart, please answer this. I will be so grateful to you. :)

1. I have always seen the sign board “Keep Left”. Does it mean that it is necessary to ride only through the left side of the road? Does it also mean to “keep” some space “left” for others to drive?

2. Is it necessary to switch the indicator ON if I’m taking a turn (left or right)?

3. This question is to the ones who drive four wheelers. Do you see two wheelers on road? Or do you think that two wheelers do exist?

4. Can you tell me how to complete a city ride without honking even once?

5. Are the foot paths for the pedestrians or to make the movement of the two wheelers fast?

6. Does the “No parking” board mean that (No) you cannot drive there, but (Parking) you can park the vehicle there?

7. Should I bribe the traffic policeman or should I pay the fine? Which one is better and time saving?

8. What is a one way traffic?

9. What do you mean by “reckless driving” and “jumping across the signal”?

10. And the last one. Why do we have a “red” coloured light at some junctions? Is it an added attraction to make the boring traffic colourful?

I hope the questions are easy to answer. Please answer. You can mail me if I have asked any wrong questions. Looking forward to your co-operation. :)

Tales of poisoned souls!!

Caution: Malayalam usage without any control! Sorry for no translation as I felt that the meanings would be lost in translation.

Alcohol is good in “pegs”, although it’s injurious to health in “barrels”. That’s how I’ve seen people modify the usual statutory warning. I think that everyone should try at least once just to experience the high (of course!), courage (you won’t believe yourself that you said it or you did it!), the openness, to break the ice etc. The experiences are always fun.

One of the main aspects in the whole process of drinking is the choice of drinks. There are always a lot of thoughts gone into and discussions done so as to identify the personal choices. I remember once when asked for choice, the reply came like this:

“Rum. Kalakkiyathalla, Kulukkiyathu”. (Shaken, not stirred!).

The bearer was a good man! He took the orders and served Rum itself!

Again, there are no secrets between the drinkers in the group. The talk can go on and on and on. It’s always the dialogues (actually framed to make others understand that they are drunk!) that come after 2-3 (or 3-4) rounds from the silent and unexpected quarters are the most enjoyable stuff.

Walking (wandering!) after the “consumption” is always a pleasure. Once when we had to cross the road for some reason during such a walk, a car missed our group and one shot the dialogue.

“Roadinte nadukku koodiyaanooda ithra speedil vandiyodikkunathu. Vellamadichittu oronnu irangikkolum, manushyanu paniyondaakkaan. Ivanteyokke vicharam enthaa? …followed by abuses (which if translated doesn’t convey the entire meaning! Actually I don’t have the English equivalents!)”

Another one seconded. “Shariyaa. Roadinte nadukku koodiyaa vandiyodikyaa? Athum pathiraaykku?”

Seeing a dog (Male!), another one comments (asks the dog!). “Enthaadey ottakku? Rathri aareyum koottu kittiyille? Oru company venamenkil njangalude koode ponno. Oru peg tharaam. Veronnum pratheekshikkaruthu! ”

So how can the silent one, until now, stand back? “Avante pennu avane divorce cheythu kaanum.”

Hearing this, another one comments. “Eda. Avan pattiyude kaaryama paranjathu.”

The guy replies. “Pattikalu bhedamaa. Aareyenkilumokke kittum. Innival. Nale aval. Manushyante kaaryam njan parayunnilla.”

The despair was clearly evident!

So walk on. Go to house. Watch TV until 3 am. Hear songs until 4 am. Sleep at some time in the early morning. Once or twice we didn’t even sleep. Even the next day. I still don’t know how we could handle it!

In another scene, one was trying to smoke a cigarette after some rounds. After sometime, finding that he’s unable to do so, tells another one, “Hey, This is so surprising. I’ve been trying to fag for sometime and there’s no smoke.” Reply comes very slowly, keeping all the calm. “Dude....first……you………you…….have……..to…..light…….it”.

No of rounds: Still Unknown. Only knows that “roses are now blue and violets are now red”

And now the reasons to drink are like the reasons why we have hartals in Kerala and why Indians overtake “only” through left.

Some say that they drink when they get bored. Some say that it’s so entertaining. Some say that they drink when they are sad. Some say that they drink when they are happy. Also heard from some that, they drink because America attacked Iraq and now they are continuing even after fifth year of occupation.

A month back, I heard from a friend (he’s a thorough teetotaler who gives company by heavy consumption of Sprite, Coke etc.) that his colleagues had a party on the final Friday of February, citing that Feb. 29 comes only once in four years and luckily they got a chance to celebrate as it was Friday.

So it’s not hard to find any reason to drink. The policy is always “You don't require reasons, but money to buy drinks!”

Anyway the “tales” are interesting and the number is growing (Latest editions are not out yet!). It’s pure fun. Long live drinkers (I definitely don’t mean alcoholics here!).

Btw, don’t forget the statutory warning:

“Consumption of alcohol, in uncontrollable and unattainable proportions, is injurious to health. Pakshe, Vallappozhumokke randennam (Capacity anusarichu moonno naalo) adicho!”

Often I love to talk about myself....only when someone ask

You can read on if you don’t have anything to do now because this post is all about me. I came to know that someone actually cares about my “whereabouts” and tries through some sweet questions. I humbly proceed.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:
Race. Just wanted to go to Sridhar theater in Kochi after a long time and found out that it’s better than the multiplexes here in Bangalore. The movie is OK for a one time watch. Can't refrain from saying......Katrina looked so beautiful. Akshaye Khanna's and Sameera Reddy's characters proved to be duds. Nothing great to say about the plot and other stuff. Heard that it's a rip-off from the movie, "Goodbye Lover". Also catch the "Pehli nazar mein" original (they claim "inspiration"!) here.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
The Pelican Brief, by John Grisham. Stopped for a while now. Actually got bored. Have to start again as I have forgotten the initial stuff. :( Also I don't think it's a good one.

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Chess. I love the game. Also I want to play Monopoly. But I don’t know how to; have to learn it.

4. FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
No particular favourites. I read any magazine if I have time. RD and Time are the best.

5. FAVOURITE SMELLS?
The smell of Earth after first rain(Sorry da....I know that I'm plagiarising!). Jasmine. Hot Cardamom Tea. The normal Cinthol soap that comes in red pack.

6. FAVOURITE SOUND?
Musical instruments; especially wind and percussion. Child speak, giggle etc.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Everyone does wrong citing that it’s the world order and nobody thinks that a small step from one’s part can inspire at least a few people to change, which, sadly, doesn’t happen. When I try, people ridicule me. :(

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
How so fast? I just slept......

9. FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Keeps changing. No particular place. Actually the mallu “Thattukada” and “Chaayakkada” is the best. Not to forget, the food at a Toddy shop in Kerala is greater!!

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Stephen if a boy. Rachel if a girl. (Sad that Natasha is already booked !!) No particular reason why I love these names. And the kid's mother will definitely have a say.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...?
Plan something big. Will tell you the details later, if I still have the money.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Of course. 60 kmph is the average. In Outer ring road, that goes up to 100 kmph. Inside city, the speed is 10-15 kmph and that too with a lot of halts. So I usually park the vehicle and walk. That’s better to watch the surroundings too ;)

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No. I don’t even use a pillow. I feel that it fights with me to get its space on bed.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
Cool when inside. But scary outside.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
The question should have been “What will be your first car?”. And the answer to that is "I don't know". I'll definitely try for a Nano, with a fear that petrol may cost more than the car. Anyway, the first vehicle I drove was a Trekker (Thanks to driving school!).

16. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Water followed by any fruit juice. Tea also is a strong contender. And of course, Vodka (Raspberry Twist!) .

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD…
……go for a trip to space. Chumma. I just want to experience the "natural" zero gravity.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Not a part of my diet. But I would like to check it out.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Black and blonde (not for me though!) is the best. I would prefer a gel. I love natural hair shades and don't like colours.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Kochi, Kollam (my parents’ place), Calicut (College was 21 kms away from city!) and now Bangalore.

21. FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Lawn tennis. I used to love Goran Ivanisevic's game very much. The main reason being he's a southpaw. Current fav is Nadal and Ana Ivanovic.

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
Honesty and Liveliness. Is that enough? ;)

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Cot. Sorry…..Suitcase. Bags.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
Yes! Also I want the same parents and same bro.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
Circumstantial. Love being a morning person but always felt comfortable being a night owl.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Who cares about how's it cooked? Even uncooked egg is welcome. ;)

27. FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?
My bed with A R Rahman songs and anything to read. Walk on the Marine Drive in Kochi. Any place where I go for the first time which of course is not at all urban. And any place where I can comfortably walk alone (Alone because no-one likes to walk much these days!).

28. FAVOURITE PIE?
American Pies! ;)

29. FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?
Strawberry, Butterscotch and Vanilla.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

I don’t know whom to tag. Whoever I want to tag, have already done it. So I don’t expect a response without stimulus. But go on if interested and tell me. I'll definitely read and comment.

Hope I didn't waste your time. Have fun. :)